Clinton Jokes

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Dr. Suess Meets Fornigate #1

I am Starr. Starr I are.
I'm a brilliant barri-star.
I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?

I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join -- even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One,
So stow your feathers and your tar,
I did not do her Starr you are!

Did you smile?
Did you Flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie,
When called upon to testify?

That is it; you've gone too far!
I do not like you Starr you are!
I will not answer any more!
In fact, I think I'll start a war!
The public's easy to distract,
When bombs are falling on Iraq!

New Take on Green Eggs and Ham #2

Starr: I'm here to ask
     As you'll soon see
     Did you grope
     Miss Lewinsky?
     Did you grope her
     in your house?
     Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Pres: I did not do that
     here nor there,
     I did not do that anywhere!
     I did not do that
     Near or far,
     I did not do that
     Starr you are!
Starr: Did you smile?
     Did you flirt?
     Did you peek
     Beneath her skirt?
     And did you tell
     The girl to lie
     When called upon
     To testify
Pres: I do not like you
     Starr-you-are..
     I think that you
     Have gone too far!
     I will not answer
     Any more....
     Perhaps I will go
     Start a war!

President Clinton has vehemently denied that he told former intern Monica Lewinsky to lie. "What I actually said," claims the President, "was to lie down."

Today's headline read: "Clinton Probe Expands". It turned out to be a direct quote attributed to Monica Lewinsky.

Q: Why does President Clinton invite so many ladies into his private study?
A: He wants to show them his executive branch.

Q: What are the job requirements for secretaries at the White House?
A: The have to know the President's zip code.

Q: In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of her late night meetings with the President...
A: "I can't remember the details,she said,but I know the answer is on the tip of my tongue!"

Seen on an Arkansas Car Bumper - "Honk, if you haven't had sex with Bill Clinton"

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton are on the Titanic, when it starts to sink. Carter yells "quick save the women and children", Nixon "fuck the women and children", Clinton "do we have time"
What's the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter ? One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.
What's Bill Clinton's favorite movie ? sex lies and video tape
Volume on oil stocks are up huge. Clinton has been drilling in the White House
What did Arafat say to Clinton? ....."sheep don't talk my friend
What did Clinton say when he heard Paula Jones was speaking to the press? ....."NOW she opens her mouth"
What do Clinton and Nixon have in common ? a deep throat brought down both their presidencies

Monica says that if pressured she'll go down with the President.
Bill can't understand it. He thought he had a presidential gag order on Monica Lewinsky.
Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr is expecting Monica Lewinsky to cough up some juicy evidence.
The stories never end in the Oral Office.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic? Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
What's the new game they're playing in the White House? Swallow the Leader.
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume? "Sat on the Presidential Staff"
In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton", 86% replied, "Not again"
What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal? Fornigate. <ALT> Zippergate.